The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
