thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then he peed in my hair
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
