I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
