it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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