I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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