So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
