I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
