Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
