3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
