She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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