I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
