So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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