I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
