shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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