I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
