I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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