when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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