oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I touched a dick in church today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
