I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
