yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
