I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
