Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
