Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
