i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
