Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
