I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
