I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
