fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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