You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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