I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
