Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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