I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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