So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
