Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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