I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
