Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
