Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
