im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
