you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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