11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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