wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
