can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
