does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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