If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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