my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
