I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
