My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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