it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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