i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
