i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
