youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
