I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
