Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
