My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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